What is the deal with what happened to that one guy that fell in the fire last week? I mean I understand how it happened but what the hell was up with the way that CBS promoted the show in which it happened?
The episode prior showed the helicopter, people crying, more wild animals then ever shown before (with the emphasis on crocs for obvious reasons) in the "Next week on Survivor!" segment. So here I am thinking;
Someone got a limb bit off. Nothing says great reality TV like a peg leg!
That bitchy Weight-lifter Chick is running during a Challenge and her penis finally flops out. The rest of her Tribe is so disgusted they beat her to death with the Immunity Idol.
The Chef guy goes berserk and goes upside the bossy Waitress' head with that jumbo frying pan when she gives him pointers on how to breathe the right way.
The Vegetarian Psycho comes back with a whole troop of Bunny Hugging Green Peace Commandos and strangles her ex-Tribe Members in their sleep. (More humane that way...)
But no!
What happened?
Guy falls into the fire.
Now I feel bad that he got hurt, I mean ,damn, that is probably the worst pain you can experience but my god... I think my 3 year old niece said it best... "Fire bad!"
And if a 3 year old can figure that one out, what does that say about adults that don't get that?
Besides what does this guy tell his friends when they ask what happened? "Well you see, we were deep in the outback, fighting for our lives. When all of a sudden, out of no where, our campfire turns on me and attacks!"
Oh the humanity...... blah.
This is how my version of the show would be.
No Camera Men
Instead of having camera men wandering around I would put automated cameras everywhere. Remote control them from a point two miles away. How apprehensive can you be with an entire network crew hanging around ALL THE TIME.
"Oh man it's been real tough trying to survive out here. So Bob (the camera operator) was that a good take? And how are the wife and kids? Did you get good shot of my abs? How's my hair?"
Forget that.
No Medical Support
You get hurt, you quit, you lose. Simple as that.
No More Challenges
You want to play a game put your name in for Jeopardy or Wheel of Fortune. Or if there must be contests, have them doing stuff like finding a stockpile of food using nothing but a compass and a map (and trust me real map reading is not that easy why do you think they invented GPS systems?). And if the two tribes run into each other on the way, full contact action! When was the last time anyone on a desert island and got food for answering a few trivia questions? Come on! Plus eating a bug shouldn't be a contest about who pukes first, it should be about EATING to live.
FOR GOD'S SAKE NO MORE TRIBAL COUNCILS!
All this is a popularity contest. I mean for the love of all things that is good in the world this has got to go. I am so sick and tired of the..
"Well Janet is a strong worker, and she gets all the food we could possibly eat. Oh and for the last 5 challenges she has really kicked ass and done wonders for the Tribe but.... she has a smaller butt then me so I am voting her out."
The only way you should get off the show and back to civilization is YOU QUIT!
I want to see teary faced tough guy with the perfect abs screaming into the automated camera like a little girl "PLEASE I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE! I WANT TO GO HOME! PLEASE!"
*And yes I am aware this is my second abdominal muscle reference.... what can I say, I suffer from a mild case of Pirelli Disease and I am envious.... but not envious enough to actually do any sit-ups so thhhhhhhhpt!
No Time Limit
That's right. None of this 39 days bullshit. You stay out there till there is only one left! I guess a lot of this animosity for the show comes from my Army days. Jungle Training in Panama and spending 10 months scrubbing my ass with sand over in Saudi. Every time I hear..
"Well we have been out here for 9 days and you really get close under these conditions."
....I am going to vomit up a kidney. Some people have no clue as to what it actually takes to survive during adverse situations and this show is doing nothing to advertise that fact.
Things I would love to see in the Next Survivor
"Well we had to eat Jim last night. His leg was getting all green and smelly but he wouldn't quit. So we voted him off with a large rock to the head and a big dinner in his honor. What a trooper."
"Has anyone seen Kimberly?" "She said something about looking for food near that watery spot of sand down the way."
"Hey, does anyone know if that snake that bit me is poisonous? Anyone? Gee I certainly... URGLE!!!" (THUMP)
And the first person that mentions the fact that if I hate it so much, then why do I watch it, is going to get a size 10 1/2 high-top sneaker shoved some place uncomfortable. I am an anti-viewer. Let me explain...
Most of the target audience watches the show and picks someone they can hope wins. For me it's watching it in hopes that the most offensive nut-munchers get voted off. But does that happen... Oh hell no. I mean look at the first one. Richard was the biggest ass (both figuratively and physically) out of everyone and he wins?!? Makes me weep for the future. One saving grace is his sexual orientation. Not that I have anything against that but it makes for a good chance that his contributions to this world's gene pool stops with him.